iHate My Dad
by pickaxe881978
Summary: Freddie has to deal with his estranged father's death.
1. I Hated Him

_Freddie and Sam have been married for three years and just moved into their first house. Sam is five months pregnant with their first child._

Freddie is driving home from work when his phone beeped indicating a text message had arrived. Since he wasn't far from home he decided to wait and check it then. Less than five minutes later he pulled into their driveway and walked into the house. Sitting down on the couch he pulled his phone out and checked the text message. As he read the message he could feel the blood drain and his expression went completely blank.

Sam pulled into the driveway roughly ten minutes later and quickly headed inside. "Hi baby. I'm home" she called as she came through the front door, but there was no response. She turned around to see Freddie sitting on the couch but he was just staring into the distance. She hurried over to Freddie and as she looked into his eyes she didn't see the same spark that normally greeted her. His eyes were glazed over almost dead looking and Sam was terrified.

"Freddie" she said softly at first, but he did not respond. "Freddie" she said again a little louder this time, but he still did not respond. "Freddie" she said one more time but this time she put her hand on his shoulder. This caused him to snap out of his apparent trance. "Oh hi Sam…I'm sorry I didn't hear you come in" he said as he gave her a quick kiss. Sam looked at him with concern "What's wrong Freddie…you looked like you were in a trance or something" she asked him. She had never seen him like this before, especially when she came home.

Freddie got up and headed to the kitchen "What would you like for dinner" he asked without answering her question. "We can do pizza, Chinese or I can get some of those ribs you really like" he continued. Sam followed him into the kitchen, she stood in front of him "I don't want dinner right now…I want to know what is going on? I have never seen you like that before" she said.

Freddie looked into her eyes "I'm fine Sam…it's nothing" he said as he looked down at the floor. "It sure didn't look like nothing just a few minutes ago…you were completely out of it" she said. "I told you I'm fine…now what would you like for dinner" he asked her again. Sam was usually the stubborn one in their marriage but she knew he could be just as stubborn as her, she knew that he would not budge on this "how about pizza…I'll order, you go sit down" she said.

Freddie smiled weakly at her then went and sat down on the couch. Sam respected that whatever was going on was something Freddie did not want to talk about, so she decided she would drop it, at least for now. After ordering the pizza she went out and sat with her husband until the pizza arrived. After eating Sam put the dishes into the dishwasher and came back out to sit with Freddie.

They sat in silence for several minutes when Freddie laid his head on her lap. As she ran her hand through his hair she could hear him sobbing "Aww babe…what's wrong…what happened" she asked. Freddie turned to her his eyes red and tears streaming down his cheeks "I…I…can't talk about it right now…I'm sorry". She leaned down and kissed him "its ok babe…you know I'm here whenever you're ready".

Sam pulled him closer and held him. After about an hour he sat up "I think I'm going to try and get some sleep", Sam looked up at him "Ok…I'll come with…" she started but he cut her off. "It's ok, you don't have to…I know you like to stay up late" he kissed her goodnight and headed to the bedroom. "I'm coming with you…and don't argue with me" she told him. Freddie smiled weakly at her and then turned back towards the bedroom again.

By the time Sam got to the bedroom Freddie was already getting ready for bed. She watched him throw his clothes onto the floor, he would always put them into the hamper. He got into bed and just laid there staring at the ceiling. Sam could see him fighting to keep the tears out of his eyes, but he was not having much luck with it. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek…"night babe" she said not really sure if he even heard her. A moment later he responded without looking at her "night Sam". Sam closed her eyes but sleep was actually the last thing on her mind.

At 6:30 the next morning Sam was awakened by her alarm going off. She woke up, shut it off and turned to see that Freddie was already awake and out of bed. She got up, put her robe on and headed downstairs. She could hear him in the kitchen and it sounded like he was making breakfast. She walked into the kitchen "hey baby…you feeling better" she asked hoping that he would feel like talking now. "A little bit" he said in a slightly more chipper tone than last night, but he still wasn't back to being himself. "Do you feel like talking about last night" she asked him. Freddie turned around and she could see the tears that had been running down his cheeks. "Not right now, but thank you" he said as he turned and hugged her. Before turning back around he placed his hand on her belly "you know I would never leave you…either of you…right?" Sam was a little confused "yeah I know that, but what brought that on" she asked him.

He didn't answer her question and turned back around to continue cooking. "How about waffles for breakfast?" he pulled a waffle off of the iron and set it on the plate next to the iron. He turns around to hand her the plate. Sam stared into his eyes for a moment and even though she didn't know what had happened, she knew that whatever it was had hit Freddie…HARD. "Sure babe…sounds great" she said taking the plate and sitting at the table. A moment later Freddie came out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee made just the way she liked it and set it next her plate. He sat down as well "aren't you going to eat" she asked him. "I'm not really hungry right now, besides I need to start getting ready for work" he said numbly.

"Freddie, baby….maybe you should stay home from work today….I'm not sure you'd be any good to anyone right now" she said. What he said next caught her completely by surprise. "You're probably right, I'll go call in" he turned and headed into his office to call his boss. Sam was dumbfounded….he hated calling off, he would argue with her about calling in when he was sick, but he just agreed to call off without any kind of arguing.

The next day as they were watching TV, Sam tried to get him to talk about what was going on, but he would not talk about it. "Freddie….I'm worried about you. I've never seen you like this before." He looked at her with great sadness in his eyes "I'm sorry baby, you don't need to worry about me…..I'll be fine" he said. She was about to respond when she jumped and put her hand on her abdomen. "What is it Sam…is something wrong" he asked her. "No…nothing's wrong, the baby just kicked" she said taking his hand and placing it where the baby had kicked. The baby kicked again and for the first time in two days Freddie actually smiled.

The next few days got a little better, Freddie went to work, and he wasn't as distant as he had been, but still he wasn't completely back to normal. Freddie came home from work and to his surprise Sam was already home. As he walked into the house he could tell that she was making one of his favorite meals. He walked into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around his wife. "Hey baby" he said kissing her on the neck. "Hey yourself" she said as turned around in his arms and kissed him on the lips. "Are you feeling better" she asked him. "Yeah I am…and I think I'm finally ready to talk about what happened" he said. "Let me turn this stuff off and we'll go into the living room".

They walked over to the couch and sat down. Freddie took a deep breath and exhaled. "Well…..um….." he paused for a minute "I got a text on my way home that night" he looked to be on the verge of crying again. "Babe just take your time, I'm not going anywhere and we have all night" Sam told him. He shook his head and tried to continue "the text was from my uncle….the one on my dad's side" he said pausing again. Tears were starting to form in his eyes again and it broke Sam's heart. Sam took his hand in hers and gave a quick kiss before giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I checked the message when I got into the house…..umm….he…the message said that my dad…..my dad…he died" he had barely gotten the last word out before he broke down. Sam pulled him closer to him and just held him "oh baby I am so sorry".

After a few minutes he had composed himself enough to keep going. "But do you want to know what the worst thing is" he asked her. "There is something worse than finding out your dad died" she asked. He shook his head yes and what he said next took Sam by complete and utter surprise. "I HATE HIM….I HATE HIM….I HATE HIM" "I hate that he left me and my mom, I hate that he never kept in touch, not even phone calls on my birthday" he tried to steady himself. "I...I mean did I do something wrong….why didn't he love me" he asked as tears ran down his cheeks. Sam had never heard Freddie say that he hated anything at least not the way he just had. "Oh babe, I'm sure he loved you" Freddie looked her in the eyes "No he didn't….if you love someone, you keep in contact, but he didn't even do that. I never once got a birthday card from him, no letters, nothing" Sam wiped the tears from his face and kissed him. "But to me the thing that I hate him most for is for what he's doing to me right now. I don't want to feel like this, I don't want to be sad over him, he's not worth it." Freddie stood up and started to pace around the living room, Sam followed him.

"Freddie he was your dad and even though you didn't have any kind of contact, that is still going to hit you hard, just because he is your dad." Freddie looked into his wife's loving eyes "All these years I've always wondered…did he get remarried, have another family…maybe a son that he actually loves….I mean I must have done something to make him stop loving me. I must have been a bad son." The tears started flowing down his face again. "Freddie….you were not a bad son" she told him as she gave him a quick kiss. He wiped tears from his eyes and then continued "and now I'm starting to wonder if I'll be a good father…..I mean I didn't have any kind of role model or anything" he was having a difficult time keeping it together.

Sam grabbed his hand and she led him to the kitchen table and sat him down. She pulled up another chair in front of him and sat down. She pulled his head up to look into his eyes "hey, don't you dare think that you would be anything but a great father" she told him. "But" He started to respond but she placed a finger on his lips "but nothing baby…you will be great…there is no doubt in my mind" she said lovingly. He smiled "thanks Sam….I guess all this stuff with my dad….just made me question myself." "Well you have no reason to…and I don't want to hear another word about it….ok?" "Ok…besides how can I argue with the most beautiful woman ever" he said leaning in to kiss her. "You are so cheesy, but it's why I love you" she said chuckling. "I love you too" he responded.


	2. I Loved Him

_Freddie and Sam go to his father's funeral, thanks to her continued insistence. While there Freddie will discover the kind of man his father really was._

As they drive to his father's funeral both Freddie and Sam are silent. Sam glances over to Freddie every so often to see how he's doing, but she's having trouble pinning it down. After a few more minutes "Sam I'm not sure about this…I'm not sure I should be here tonight" he said. Sam pulled off the road, stopped the car and turned to him "Freddie you have every right to be here, you are still his son after all" she replied. He looked at her "I know that, but it's been so long and the only people I'll know there is my uncle and his family. He probably had another family and they probably don't even know about me" he said letting out a long sigh. Sam put her hand on his "that's why you need to go…you need to find out for sure what happened with your dad. Besides you know if you don't find out you will always wonder and that can be worse than actually finding out" she said smiling at him. "You're right…let's get going."

Fifteen minutes later the couple pulls into the funeral home. Getting out of the car Freddie takes in a deep breath and walks over to Sam and they make their way to the entrance. They walk in and Freddie starts looking for his uncle after a few moments he sees him across the room talking to his wife. Making their way over to him Freddie quietly calls out to him as he gets closer "Uncle Gary" he turns around "Freddie...Sam, I'm glad you guys came" he said smiling at them. Freddie smiled weakly "thanks "was all he could say before he turned and headed towards his father's casket.

Sam followed him but he stopped before getting to the casket, she took his hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. "Do you want to be alone for a few minutes" she asked him. He thought about it momentarily "No stay…I need your support Sam…I don't think I can do it without you" he said as he smiled at her. "Ok babe…just take your time and we'll go up there when you're ready." Freddie stood in silence for a few minutes with a million thoughts going through his head. He wasn't sure if he really wanted to do this, but he also knew that Sam was right and if he didn't he would regret not seeing him one last time and finding out what happened after he left.

Taking in a deep breathe he stepped forward to his father's casket and Sam stepped up next to him still holding his hand. Looking at his father he thought he looked the same, with the exception of the gray hair of course, as he had all those years ago when he had left them. He looked over to Sam and speaking just loud enough for her to hear "he still looks pretty much the same as I remember him" he said fighting back tears. Sam gave him a quick kiss on his cheek "so he's where you got your good looks from" she told him. Freddie let out a small chuckle at her comment "I do see a lot of myself in him though" he said. He put his hand on his father's shoulder and he could no longer hold back the tears "damn it dad…why weren't you there…you should have been there. I know mom is difficult to say the least, but why weren't you there for me" he asked. "Why couldn't you be there when I started elementary school then middle school and high school? You weren't there teach me things a father should teach his son" he started trailing off.

One of the funeral home employees came out with a TV and a DVD player on a cart. "Excuse me everyone" he said trying to get everyone's attention. Once everyone had been seated and was quiet he continued "as one of his finally wishes Mr. Benson asked that the following video be played at his funeral" he picked up the remote and hit play. A few seconds later Freddie's dad showed up on the screen. "Hello everybody, if you are watching this then I have died. I did this video as a way of saying goodbye in case I didn't get the chance to" he said. Freddie gave a slight harrumph at that but he came here to find out what he could about his dad.

"Before I get into too much I would like to say something to my son Freddie Benson if he is here." This caught Freddie and Sam completely by surprise. "If he is I would just like to tell him that I am very sorry for leaving him and causing what I can only imagine was a very great deal of pain. I tried so many times to contact him but I wasn't strong enough to do it and I know that it was my loss for not doing so. Even though I had no direct contact with him, I was able to keep up with at least some of his accomplishments. I won't be able to tell him how proud I was of him when I saw him graduate from elementary school and then high school. He did great work on the iCarly web show as the technical producer, he then went on to graduate from MIT. The last thing I know about Freddie is that he married a wonderful girl which I'm sad to say I never had a chance to meet."

He continued to speak but Freddie and Sam weren't paying attention to it at this point. "I can't believe how much he knew about my life. I mean he even knew we got married" he said still amazed by what he had just seen and heard. "Aren't you glad you decided to come now" she asked smiling at him. "Yeah I am…but now I wish we had the opportunity to tell him he was going to be a grandpa" he said as he placed his hand on her protruding belly. Sam put her hand on top of his "I'll bet he knows now" she said. "Would you come with me…I want to talk to his wife and family" he asked smiling at her. "Of course I will" she responded.

They made their way over to his father's new family and introduced himself and Sam to them. They sat there for the next couple of hours and listened to stories about his dad. Before long it was time to head to the cemetery for the burial. When everyone had arrived and was gathered around the gravesite, Freddie was approached by the same employee that had brought out the video of his dad. "Excuse me are you Freddie Benson" he asked. "Yes I am" he responded. "Please follow me" he said as he turned and headed towards the hearse. They both followed the employee and once they reached the hearse they found Leonard's Widow Emily standing there. "Good he found you…I wanted to ask you if you would consider being a pall bearer for your dad…only if you want to of course" she said. Freddie looked at Sam and then back to Emily "I would be honored" he told her and then took his place. Sam went back to the gravesite and sat down.

After the burial ceremony was completed and they said their goodbyes Sam and Freddie got into the car and headed home. They were almost home when Freddie finally spoke "I am so glad that we went to the funeral. I still can't believe everything I learned about dad" he said. Sam glanced at him smiling "see I knew you it would be good for you" she said. "You were right…thank you again for insisting I go" he told her. "You're welcome babe…so how do you feel about your dad now" she asked him. He thought about the question for a moment "well I would say that even though it wasn't the way I would have liked for it to be, he was in my life. For that I am very happy and knowing what I know now he did love me even if I didn't know it. I would have to say that I loved him too" he said.


End file.
